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  • Oh! waking is a bitter nightmare..when you constantly hang around the fringes of my dreams..

    ..my foundation is crumbling and shattered glass is falling all over sidewalks..

    ..i am collapsing and i am collapsing on myself.. i am shards of glass..and i am the person being wounded by the glass..

    ..there is a certain beautiful honesty about depression..

    ..will Candy and honey not ..sweeten the Bitter acrimony of life? ..if truth indeed be a fallacy, then should reality not be a lie?

    Truth is like water. A little of it quenches your thirst Too much of it..and you drown.

    Wednesday, August 04, 2004

    Its two more days till the big day.
    Its 5.56 am now..and ive been up and night..feeling very tired and shag.. :(
    Its been a gruelling three months and its finally coming to an end. I would honestly go mad if it didnt. Like i can't sleep when i want to..i can't slack whenever i want to..but i got to keep working..

    It dosent help when everyone is in such close contact that everyone starts to irritate the crap out of each other.
    Haiz..I think my tolerance level is fast coming to an end.

    I can't take people shouting at me for no reason
    I can't take people throwing their tantrums at me jus coz they Pms and im an innocent party
    it dosent mean that jus coz i don't gety angry easily..or i don't yell back at u or react, means i won't one day. Im jus trying my best to control myself here coz screaming and shouting on my part won't help the situation anymore.

    Im tired of being the middle person..helping two people compromise and i end up looking like the bad person.
    Im tired of defending u everytime i get upset or someone "wrongs" u..coz u don't appreciate it anyway.


    im tired to listening tour sh*t and ur problems and comforting u..coz ive got alot of my own issues ..and who's gonna listen to me? u? U certainly don't give a sh*t. Im only there when u need me, and then the rest of the time i don't..u take out all ur unhappiness on me.



    Im tired of getting bossed around. Im tired of people yellin at me coz it dosen't help my work one bit


    Im tired of people making me feel so demoralised..im tired of defending people. I think i should stop. Jus let people say wadever they wanna say. Next time i hear anyone say anything bad abt u..tt's it. Im not defending no one anymore. U fight ur own battles.im tired of this.


    i need some support here too..i can't always be the one. im gonna go mad soon.


    Its very demoralising for me when such stuff happens. It dosen't help my morale abit. I know everyone wants to win, to get work done and everything. But to what extent? and at who's expense? is neglecting certain things as compared to this so important? are we forgetting what really matters in the end?


    Im tired of people who are so selfish and simply believe the world revolves around them. It just saddens me when u thought someone was reliable..and in the end it turns out to be an illusion. Its jus saddening when u believe someone to be good..but it turns out to be a farce. jus becoz u have eaten ur fill, and have ur comforts and ure satisifed..and wanna get back to work..dosen't mean im not entitled to eat my fill too. Juz coz u have already gotten wad u wanted does not mean others shouldn't. Jus coz u have satisfied urself..dosen't mean others don't matter. I have my needs too ok? Obviously since u have already been satisfied then everyone else becomes less important to u..im still human. it dosen't make me less important.



    i dunno what to say


    im just tired


    tired.


    tired.


    tired.


    Im a prisoner..physically, mentally and emotionally..


    Dear God..pls let some stunning revelation come to me soon so i know that i have not let my three months pass me by in vain.

    dawn fairy on the moon at 8/04/2004
    Sunday, August 01, 2004

    List of 10 things i need most now

    1) SLEEP. SLEEP
    2) MORE SLEEP
    3) EVEN MORE SLEEP
    4) a Damn good massage.
    5) A Damn good eye cream to get rid of these panda-ish dark eye bags
    6) Xiao long bao la mian from crystal Jade
    7) A hair cut ( desperately)
    8) a good thinner to get these permanent paint stains off my hands
    9) a three hour long scented essential oil bath and scrub
    10) My Sanity. ( being of least priority but still..)


    Yes! 6 more days to freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    6 more days to kiss cardboard and glue goodbye forever..

    dawn fairy on the moon at 8/01/2004